she loved him (he loved her more).
he didn’t love me (he loved the idea of me).
here i go again
falling into old habits
where do i go when home
isn’t home anymore?
I’ve been meaning to write more but lately, I’ve been at a loss for words. When I find the right ones, you will find them here.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha
It seems like I always have a million things on my mind at any given moment and it’s difficult to turn down the mental noise. Unfortunately, the world around me is also loud and chaotic; it pushes me to keep moving, to accelerate even. And when you’re living at such a fast pace, there will be things that you must sacrifice. Eventually, this lifestyle will wear you down if you do not allow yourself to rest. I’ve been broken many times and nothing has helped me heal as much as meditation has.
Meditation is not as easy as it looks and it will not bring you instant gratification. If you begin practice with expectations or set goals to meet, you will not be satisfied with the “results”; your mental and emotional growth cannot be measured in a finite way. And honey, anything worth your time…will take time.
My first few experiences with meditation were spent in agony. I would sit in silence for half an hour only to be left alone with my thoughts and the sound of a ticking clock. I would pop an eye open to quickly glance at the time then return to my shallow breathing in frustration. After a few inhales and exhales, I would mentally run through my day’s to-do list and then let my mind wander until the full thirty minutes had run its course. Grrr.
Nonetheless, I continued to practice…and if you care enough to follow along, I will post my reflections here because I learned a lot and would love to share with you as I continue my meditation.
p.s. keep practicing.